I need to
tell ya’ll something.
I’ve known
for weeks … months actually. And I believe it’s time to disclose a very
important fact to my hoards of grandpa blog fans. {You know, the ones who have
been camped outside the house, fighting for a photo or autograph with the famed
Granddaughter. Or the ones who follow me in public just to catch a glimpse of a
tender moment between me and the Old Man. Let me live my life people! Having
nearly 8 people read your blog can get to be so stressful. I’m a real person,
too!}
Anyway
… back to the seriousness of my
disclosure. I’ve had the symptoms for, well, most of my life. But, I
self-diagnosed myself just this morning with a very serious condition. As I
“slept in” till 7:38 a.m., I lay in bed {feeling totally rested}
and I understood the terrible truth. I think I have Grandpa Syndrome.
I’ve tried
to suppress it for most of my life by attempting to stay out late, go on roller
coasters and eat asparagus {despite Grandpa’s
depression-era-eat-everything-on-your-plate mentality, he HATES asparagus}. But
living with Grandpa for more than 8 months now has robbed me of all hope of
overcoming the sad fact that I live like an old person.
I’ll finally
just say it: I like playing BINGO. I’m an overcautious driver, but still almost
run things over. I’d rather nap than update my blog.
There, it’s
out there. It’s nice to get that off me chest. It just feels right, you know.
Anyway, I
have about 2 months worth of golden blog material to chat about. So, let us get
down to the nitty gritty.
I think you
should know the ex-convict is in jail! {Again.} At least we believe he’s still
in jail. I guess all we really know is that he was in the slammer a few weeks
ago when Grandpa’s cell phone was ringing every 47 minutes with “a special
message from the Bonneville County Corrections Facility.” All it wanted was for
him to pay for an inmate’s {we all know who that could be} collect call, so he
could be begged to fork over “only $500 dollars in bail.” Oh, yes please!
Well, we
convinced Grandpa that it was probably a bad idea. {I mean, think of how many manager special treats you could by with $500. It doesn't make sense.} So, now he’s without his
ex-convict chum … which, unfortunately, he’s not totally excited about.
Without the
ex-con, Grandpa’s tried {and failed} to waste his money and resources on us.
The other day, we finally took down the trampoline for the season. A sad day
for me, but a relief for the grandpa. {He tried to put it away in his 6 x 8
foot greenhouse and quickly realized that wouldn’t work, so we packed it up and
hauled it away.} For the occasion, we borrowed Jordan’s parents’ utility
trailer. Though it was parked at the house for less than 24 hours, Grandpa was
eager to pack that away too.
Here’s a
taste of that conversation:
Grandpa:
“What’re you gonna do with that trailer?”
Me: “Oh,
we’re leaving right now to take it back to Jordan’s parents’ house.”
Grandpa:
“You know, I’ve got a place to put it if you need it.”
Me: “No
thanks, grandpa. They have a place to park it over there.”
Grandpa: “We
could take it to Shelley. I have a place where I can park stuff like that.”
{Time out.
What? Where does he get all these random friends and random places?}
Me: “Umm… I
think Jordan’s mom and dad would probably just want it back. They like it at
their house.”
Grandpa: “We
could just run it down to Shelley …”
Me: “I love
you, Grandpa. See ya later!”
Grandpa: “Do
you need any money? I’ve got money, you know.”
I just
closed the door, pretending not to hear the rest of that conversation.
At this
point I’m starting to understand why it’s so easy for ex-convicts to take
advantage of the old man. He’s happy to offer up his life savings, his
greenhouse, his basement, and apparently other people’s private property for
free use.
Out of all
the Grandpa Syndrome symptoms I’m experiencing, I still don’t do that.
I happily
keep my pennies to myself and despite the fact that I’m 24, graduated from
college and married, and still don’t have any property to offer to others.
Failure or
accomplishment?
You decide.
